How do I make a family screen time agreement that actually sticks?

A family screen time agreement is a short set of rules about screens that you make together with your children, write down, and everyone signs, adults included. The ones that stick are agreed rather than handed down, cover when and where as well as how long, and get reviewed as children grow. Webwise, CyberSafeKids, Internet Matters and Common Sense Media all recommend this approach (Webwise, CyberSafeKids, Internet Matters, Common Sense Media).

There’s no single right version. What works for a family with a five-year-old and a teenager will look different from a house with two eight-year-olds, and that’s fine.

Why an agreement works better than rules on the fly

Rules made up in the moment (“five more minutes… OK, ten”) are hard to keep consistent, and children notice. Webwise advises agreeing clear screen rules with your child and sticking to them so children aren’t confused (Webwise). Common Sense Media notes that children benefit from structure and often feel relieved by clear limits (Common Sense Media).

Making it together matters too. CyberSafeKids puts it bluntly: imposing restrictions “from on high” is much less effective than building mutual respect and trust (CyberSafeKids). Common Sense Media says younger children especially respond to being included in decisions about screen rules (Common Sense Media).

How long should screen time be?

You may be hoping for a number. Webwise says there’s no magic number: think about your child’s age and maturity, what they’re actually doing, their learning needs and your family routine (Webwise). A useful question is whether the time is active (homework, making something, a video call with Granny) or passive (endless scrolling). CyberSafeKids also suggests focusing on the quality of what they do, not just the total time (CyberSafeKids).

That’s why the when and where rules below often do more than a strict minute count.

How to make your agreement, step by step

1. Find out where you’re starting from. CyberSafeKids suggests tracking online time for a while first, using a tool like Screen Time on an iPhone or iPad, and sharing the results as a family (CyberSafeKids). Include your own phone. It makes the chat fairer.
2. Pick a calm moment to sit down together, not straight after a row about the tablet.
3. Ask before you tell. What do they love doing online? What do they think is a fair amount? Internet Matters suggests asking how time online makes them feel (Internet Matters). For tweens and teens, Common Sense Media suggests sharing your concerns honestly first so the rules feel reasonable rather than random (Common Sense Media).
4. Agree a few rules, not twenty. Use the checklist in the next section and pick what matters most in your house.
5. Write it down. Internet Matters has a free Digital Family Agreement template you can download (Internet Matters), or just use a sheet of paper.
6. Everyone signs, and put it somewhere visible. CyberSafeKids recommends displaying it prominently and having parents sign too, noting some rules may differ by age (CyberSafeKids).
7. Get the whole household on board. Internet Matters stresses including older siblings and anyone else who lives with you (Internet Matters).
8. Set a date to review it. Common Sense Media points out that what works today may not work tomorrow (Common Sense Media).

What to put in it: a checklist

Choose the ones that fit your family:

• Screen-free times. Webwise suggests dinner, homework and bedtime (Webwise). CyberSafeKids gives the example of no phones between 8pm and 8am (CyberSafeKids).
• Screen-free places. All the bodies above suggest keeping devices out of bedrooms, especially overnight, and using them in shared spaces like the kitchen or living room (Internet Matters, CyberSafeKids).
• Where phones charge overnight. The kitchen, or your room. Webwise suggests buying an alarm clock so the phone isn’t needed in the bedroom (Webwise).
• One screen at a time. No scrolling the phone while the TV is on (CyberSafeKids).
• Which games and apps are OK, who they can talk to online and what’s safe to share (CyberSafeKids).
• The “if something upsets me” plan: they come to you, and they won’t be punished for telling. CyberSafeKids says when a child reports a problem it’s not about punishing them or taking the device away (CyberSafeKids).
• A shared screen night. Webwise suggests one evening a week for a family movie or games night (Webwise).

Making it stick

Keep the rules yourself. Webwise and CyberSafeKids both call modelling the most powerful way to influence children’s behaviour (Webwise, CyberSafeKids). If phones are banned at dinner, that includes yours. Nobody gets this right every day, and children usually respond well when a parent says “you’re right, I’ll put it away”.

Let settings back it up, not replace it. Parental controls can support what you’ve agreed, but Internet Matters notes they can’t replace regular conversations (Internet Matters).

Talk about it often. Internet Matters suggests revisiting the agreement in your regular chats to see what is and isn’t working (Internet Matters). Expect to loosen some rules as children show they can handle more.

What to do next

• This week: look at your family’s screen time reports on your devices (yours too) and pick a calm evening to talk.
• Start with two rules, such as no screens at dinner and phones charged in the kitchen overnight, and add more once those feel normal.
• Download or sketch out an agreement together, have everyone sign it and stick it on the fridge.
• Put a review date in your calendar, a month or so away, and ask the children what they’d change.

Every family is different, and the best agreement is the one your family will actually keep. Small, shared rules beat a perfect plan that nobody follows.